shake it up

For almost five years I was an aquatarian. But I was one of those that snuck in a few, well, chicken wings if I was at a bar during happy hour. I stowed the aquaman routine two years ago.

But I still enjoy vegetarian meals and soaking up the crazy at veggie places like Cafe Flourish, especially when you can get a great vanilla shake.

(This man had been discussing rather loudly the problems he had with a certain luxury automobile and now suspects he may be featured on some random blog. Such paranoia.)

Remember the 5 dollar milk shake from Pulp Fiction? Cafe Flourish's are 9 dollars. IX. Jon and Kate Plus Eight minus Jon. Nine. The number of times 50 cent was shot. Nine. Add ten, you get the average age of the Vietnam War solider. This is mucho espensivo shake. But isn't it worth it to see John Lennon and Kurt Cobain?)

The shake is called "The Pearl" and based on its price you may think it's got some ground up pearl bits but no. It's got almond butter, real vanilla bean, dates and coconut milk. If your bootie looks like it was flat-ironed, this shake could give you an apple bottom, apple top and apple middle too. It's very filling. Alarmingly so. I couldn't eat for almost four hours (!) after drinking this shake. It tastes like drinking a vanilla ice cream shake while at the same time chewing on a huge bag of roasted almonds. It could be the best ice cream shake I've ever had, without the ice cream. The irony. The expensive and apple bottom jeans filling irony.

I also got a vegan cookie. Mint chocolate chip with walnuts and granola. What's not to like? Sure it crumbled like the Berlin Wall but you can't expect structural integrity in a dairy-less cookie.


I did get around to eating the BLT. The was quite a convincing simulacra. But it was so rich with the avocado, the fake mayo, the fried bacon tempeh. Maybe I need to unclench these but-tocks but when I go temp-veggie I want to feel christ-like. Instead, I got the ox-tail eating greasies and I would have groaned aloud except I was at work.


Vegetarian food shouldn't overcompensate for lacking meat by pouring on the oil. It's not oil that the meat-eater will miss but the chewy protein. Vegan Glory gets this. I do suspect, however, without any proof, that they use fish sauce. The pad thai with seitan is phenomenal, both in texture and flavor: elastic, engaging, spicy, tart and crunchy. This is truly a happy meal.