Hence, in this spirit of reconciliation with the unknowable and often erroneous ways of others, in early November, I found myself tucking into a fried chicken dinner from Honey's Kettle. They offer a "family dinner" consisting of potato salad, corn on the cobb, biscuits, french fries and several pieces of chicken. I believe it's somewhere near the $25 to $30 mark.
Whilst eating our chicken, my friend posed several hypotheticals. Eating fried chicken for dinner apparently brings out the philosopher in some. So, as I was digging into my deliciously mustardy mayonaissey tater salad and crunching my way through the terrifyingly robust and rock candy like outer hull of this chicken which was thicker than the carapace of a Dungeness crab and sweeter than a tub of corn syrup, I had to field such humdingers as "what if we were poor and this dinner was a really special treat for us?" I responded, "we ARE poor and this IS a special treat. We're not eating fried chicken like this for dinner ever again." That didn't go down too good. This is why dinner conversation is overrated in my experience. Better to watch the ESPN or the Food Network and slurp in silence.
You're pretty much looking at what my last meal on earth would look like (at least one plate of my ten plate blowout - incidentally, did you know a lot of prisoners request an entire loaf of bread as their last meal? I know this because I read about it here. Soon to be Executed Prisoners want to eat some scary shit. And no, I don't mean A-1 steak sauce. That shit is like butter.) except that I'd have Chef Ludo's LudoBites fried chicken on there. Failing that, I'd have KFC. Failing that, I'd have tondakk (korean fried chicken) and failing that I'd have Honey's Kettle. The uber-crunchy crust is like Pioneer chicken on crack. This crust will chip your tooth. Do not let children bite down on this unaided. It's amazingly thick and glass like in structure. Addictive? Possibly. Dangerous? Assuredly. Beautiful? Like a wild orchid. Hells yeah. It's fried chicken one of the happiest things to ever happen to a piece of poultry on God's green earth.
I love a good drumstick. The wing and the breast have a special place in my heart but ultimately, I have to have the drumstick. It combines the best of the white and dark meat world with the rounded fun shape. Nature's ergonomic meat. You won't get carpel tunnel from this baby I can guarantee that much.
So, while it was strange eating a fried chicken dinner from a cardboard box like we were picnicking, I felt closer to the earth somehow by doing so. It was a return to childhood when my parents would bring a bucket of KFC for dinner and we'd crack open some 7-ups and Welch's grape sodas and tuck into the Colonel's secret herbs and spices. It was a special treat then and it's a special treat now because let's face it, fried chicken will kill your arteries like a lethal injection which is probably why it should be your last meal on earth. And yes, I'm eating it right now as I type up this post because my cholesterol and blood pressure levels are that of a 2 year old.